I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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