i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
