you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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