guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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