He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
