I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
