There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
