dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
