He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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