She is in my trunk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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