Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
