I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
