it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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