I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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