i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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