Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My feet surprised me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
