In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need a beard to bite.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
