There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
