So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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