I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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