I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
