she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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