You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
