Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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