I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
