So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
