I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
