I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
