piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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