I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
