I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
