Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
