There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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