well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
