I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
