I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
