Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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