Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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