drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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