So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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