I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You don't make any sense
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