Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
