We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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