You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
