We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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