He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
