D3 body, D1 cock
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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