dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A+ Viking dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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