sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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