Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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