Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
