i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
