All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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