I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
