who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was so not down for the gang bang
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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