you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
