My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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